a long time ago in a world far far away

Hey,

Not a lot of pics in this post - the day was pretty much like the day before, but with modest progress. MeiLi became more open and verbal with us - we seemed to be making progress in trust. There were a couple of moments of difficulty - one in the pool, one in the lobby - you just can't know what she's thinking or why she shuts down. Overall there were more steps foward than back. We seemed to do the best just sticking to the room.

The day was punctuated by an event that left me wondering though. The design of this part of the process is that the Holt staff, Lillian and Anye, are very close and personally available to us - which is good. Since they are, we are interacting a lot. They asked us, that is, each family, if we wanted to go to the site where our daughters were abandoned and found. We each agreed. We went to ours about 11 AM. Lillian arranged a van and driver so we could all go.

For us it was not all that far - maybe 20 minutes. In this traffic, a 20 minute drive is not very far. We went to a part of the city near the train station. Now, near the hotel you get the sense that people have seen and interacted with westerners before - but not so here. We found the general area, but needed to get out and walk to find the actual building - we were walking down alleys - they were very crowded with people and rubble and cooking and areas with talbles where there might be 15 men, half shirtless, playing majong - with looonnnnggg stares at us. There might be a 10 ft long tray full of hot charcoal where someone had been cooking or a pile of bricks or trash or cardboard - people seemed to be eeking out an income in dozens of creative ways. There was also stuff and trash left everwhere - it was bleak. Maybe my western eyes couldn't see it and this is normal, but from my view, this was bleak.

I asked Lillian if it was safe to be here. Jenna told me if she were walking in this neighborhood in the states she would have found a way to run in the other direction NOW. It was definitely not the area around our hotel, nor even like the neighborhood we had stay in while in Shanghai.

We found the building and then walked around it to find the actual doorway /corridor. The building is a large, almost half a block long, 5 or 6 story high apartment building - grey cement - no external decor. In China, as we have mentioned, there is no way to put a kid up for adoption, you have to abandon them. So we have no information except where she was found found.

I found myself standing searching for meaning in a place without a lot of meaning. Was this public enough to be sure that she would be found? Private enough to be sure that the mom or dad (whomever did it) would not be discovered? Was this where they lived? Could they observe from the balconys above? Were they observing now? Did they wonder what the outcome was for their daughter? Why, why, why did they choose to do this and why here? Was their intent for their daughters good, or was she only left behind and forgotten?

Ultimately, for them, it is a separation, a death. Yet there's a death that ends in death, and a death that leads to new life. I believe there is a God who can bring forth life in the midst of suffering, loss or death. He has the power to resurrect - to take a seed, put it in the ground, and give new life where there was none. Where she had no hope, we are here now and with all the wills that C and I have for our natural daughters to support, uphold and give to them we now will do the same for MeiLi - we will not abandon her as though she were our own. She is, now, in every respect but birth, our own.

In a place that she was left and found, resolve and love were also found.

D