Aldridge Family China Adoption: It is finished

Tuesday - it is finished

After breakfast we and another Holt couple (from Blue Springs MO) went by bus to a Chinese government office. It was a fairly small office and there were a lot of people there, including: The couple from Blue Springs -10 month old boy; a couple from North Carolina -9 month old girl, family from MN -13 year old girl; family from Ireland -2 year old girl. Further, Ying's 4 orphanage workers had also come by to love on her one last time.

This was the signing of the adoption paperwork and the finalization of the adoption in China. The adoption agreement in China requires a lot of promises: We will provide care, we will not abuse nor abandon, we will provide education, etc. We sign by both name and fingerprint. They take our photos. There is an exchange of funds between Holt and China (amazingly, in cash). We give small gifts to the officials and to the orphanage workers. We had plenty of time to chat with everyone else in the room because the process took a long time.

When it was all over, the adoption became final in China. According to Chinese law, Ying is now ours and is no longer a Chinese citizen. The remainder of our time here in Kunming is us waiting for the Chinese government to produce a passport, which is the last of her Chinese exit paperwork.

Beyond getting to know the families that we adopted with (they are also in our hotel, some on the same floor), there are also two families here (one from Hawaii and one from Massachusetts) who are here on heritage tours. That is, they adopted in Kunming years ago and are here visiting the orphanages and even reuniting with foster families. The easy connection with these folks happens at breakfast.

After the finalization of the adoption, we made arrangements with Selena to go shopping in the afternoon. We were looking for a photography business that would do traditional Chinese photos for MeiLi (similar to the ones Ying had done.) After some walking and visiting some shops, we found a studio and made an appointment for the following day.

Dinner was an outdoor restaurant near the hotel. The tables are arranged by stone tile walkways in the middle of a bamboo forest within a courtyard. The place was as elegant, enchanting and magical as any restaurant I've ever encountered. No English on the menu, so ordering was an adventure. Eventually Allie and Jenna figured it out and we did well.   It was very fun.

Back at our hotel after dinner, we played small games that Carolyn had picked up. We had some glow sticks that could be inserted into a clear beach ball and so it was lights off with a game of catch in the dark. There was a lot of laughing and giggling and Ying seemed to fit right into the family. She is very intelligent, sensitive and observant. She senses easily what is going on.

At 9PM we received a knock on the door from one of the other adopting couples who were first time parents. Their infant son had been crying for the last hour and a half and was inconsolable. Carolyn went down to their room, suggested they go on a walk to give themselves a break, and soon after she had him asleep. They returned again to our room about 11PM, he was awake and crying again, and Carolyn did the same, this time with more suggestions on what might help to calm him down. After this they made it through the night. Carolyn is an amazing mom with a heart for many, especially children from difficult places.

Wednesday - it is just beginning.

About noon Carolyn, Emmi and MeiLi took off on foot with our guide Selena for MeiLi's photo shoot. That left Allie, Nate, Jenna, Ying and I to fill the afternoon.

After lunch we went clothes shopping for Ying, which involved a lot of walking. The rain held off, and it was a warm and sunny.  Walking in the heat was challenging. There was a moment when Allie drew away from the group, which made Ying nervous - and as intelligent as she is, she began to process what her future with us looked like - maybe for the first time.

As we got back to the hotel, she seemed to increasingly withdraw. We didn't understand what was going on and so we called Selena to come and talk to her. Eventually, Selena was able to determine that no one in the orphanage had described to Ying the upcoming challenges of her future, and it was hitting home. Her concern was that she didn't speak English. My concern is that this makes it difficult for us to affirm her. She is only left to fill in the blanks with her own thoughts and insecurities. Again, everyone did their part to support her and each other as best we could. Emmi held Ying as she cried. We were very thankful - we expect this to be challenging, especially for her - what we did not know was if she would let us help her through it. It was so sad but so beautiful to see Emmi holding her, telling her we love her, and that it's ok to cry.
(We later enjoyed the resemblance to a recent new-favorite movie. We expect more of these moments - and embrace them as a family growing together.)

What renewed joy was an effort by the girls to begin to teach her English. By the end of the evening she was back to laughing and playing and enjoying life with the rest of us. She even exchanged "wo ai ni"s with us at bedtime ("I love you" in Chinese).

A few observations about Ying. She is fully a nine year old.   As such she is quite a bit more layered, complex and sophisticated than MeiLi was at the age of five during her adoption. In all of this she is courageous and kind-hearted and is really doing an incredible job. I hope we can go carefully and do well with such a precious gift.

From Monday - initial arrival