Anything that can be shaken...

Thursday was July 9th, the fourth anniversary of our departure to China for MeiLi.  Thank you Lord for blessing us with her. 

I am getting some positive feedback for my writing of this as we are here.  I have a confession.  Everything we do here is a group effort.  I write the first draft, then the others change anything they want.  They fix typos and grammar, but they also fill it out. 

By handing this over before we publish I admit daily that the best of all of us has far more depth and richness and color than the best of me.  As my family changes things, I learn to write better by discovering the good and the bad about my writing as revealed in their editing.

The development of the blog is a picture of being here.  This is a refinement process for all of us.  The rewards of adopting an older child are incredible.  All the potential of wonderful blessing is here.  Even so, we are now down to the day-by-day, and this isn't a vacation - there are parts of it that are just raw hard work.  And when we are tired of working hard, it just keeps going.  Each of us is homesick, tired of the food and of living in such close quarters, wants to drink water from the tap, and read something or speak to someone in English.  Within the challenge we are dealing with a new daughter who is beautiful and wonderful in every way, but who doesn't understand us and whose communication with us is limited.  So this is a challenge and there is pressure.  In the midst of the pressure, the good and the bad, the right and the wrong motivations come out in our behavior towards each other. 

Carolyn is a member of several adoption groups who also write about their experiences.  To me, one of the most concerning things someone wrote is "I sacrificed my family while trying to help the one."  We don't have the same kid that they do, and our experience is unique, but we share some common factors.  In our shared factors, they seem to present the question: Will the challenge get beyond our ability to cope in our own strength?  Will God give us something beyond what we can  handle?  The answer is certainly yes, this is beyond what we can handle or deal with on our own. 

The question is, what do I do?  When a wrong motivation or a bad part of me is exposed, how do I handle it?  Do I hang onto it and say "that IS me" and if it is a bad foundation allow myself to be crushed in the process?  Or do I let go of the wrong quickly and hang on to only the good, allowing myself to be refined as I come through this? 

Honestly, I am humbled by my wife and daughters and Nate as they reveal their refined beauty and strength.  I am in awe as I watch them allow themselves to grow.  With all my heart and love for them I wish that this were easier.  But it's not.  Crushed or refined is their choice; nobody gets away unchanged.  Yet again and again they choose to be refined.  I love them so much, it is deeply painful to participate in.  I sometimes feel shamed as I awkwardly try to lead them through it and fail to see parts of the picture.  I am also trying to let go quickly of my wrong motivations and bad parts as well. 

In faith, I believe that there is a Father more loving that I whose kind hand is upon us.  I trust that He is guiding us and will see us through this refinement, and that each of us will have character that is more in His image as we walk with Him through this.  I trust that His refining is for a purpose, and that His purpose is greater than ourselves.  He will never give us more than HE can handle.  We love and trust and depend on Him.  And His strength is made perfect in weakness.

Amen.

Overall the day was low key.  Really, we are just waiting around for a passport.  In the morning Ying and MeiLi took a bubble bath together.  I think maximum fun was had by all. 

Being in a major city in China means that the street level of every high rise building, well, every building high or low, is filled by a row of small businesses.  It seemed that yesterday all of these businesses tried to get our attention by standing in their store fronts with portable microphones, yelling to us in Mandarin, Chinese pop music blaring.  We walked out into the chaos to try to find MP3 players for Ying and MeiLi.  Since everyone now has music on their phones, this is a remarkably difficult thing to buy.  After touring Walmart and China's equivalent of Best Buy, we started diving into the little street-side electronic shops.  We eventually found a MP3 player for both Ying and MeiLi at a very reasonable cost. ("plack" market, perhaps?)

An MP3 player is a fairly simple device.  You would think that loading one up with songs and using them would be relatively easy.  Their biggest limitation seems to be that they have relatively small and cryptic displays, in this case the mystery was enhanced by that they display only Mandarin characters.  Thursday was Jenna's day for the rescue.  She sat down with the girls, played through all the songs on her phone, made lists of their preferences, loaded up their players and got them going.  Happy campers all around. 

Lunch was in the Bamboo forest, dinner at the hotel.  Friday we will say goodbye to Kunming - the city of eternal spring.  This area is sub-tropical but elevated (over a mile high), so the weather is a pretty constant 75 degrees year round.  Kunming Yunnan, thanks for sharing one of your finest with us.  Next up Guangzhou and getting a US visa.