Preparations

This is Doug - it's been a while since I've posted. Just wanted you to know what I'm thinking and feeling.

First off - I'm excited - very much looking forward to and anticipating the trip. Can't wait to meet our new daughter.

But I'm also sober. I think about the scripture:

1 Cor 10:12 Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall.

I’m thankful for all the preparations. I’m thankful for our friends Vince & Jerusha (who brought home a 13-month-old boy last week) and Bill & Michelle (who brought home a seven-year-old girl 7- months ago) – for their willingness to share with us the joys and the difficulties of their adoptions. Knowledge in advance makes me feel more prepared – at least to set my expectations. They are also helping us make choices in advance about what to pay for and arrange in advance – because once you arrive there would be no way to figure it out on your own. They have been so helpful.

Regarding other experiences in life that seem like preparations for now, further back in time, we’ve been good with inviting a stranger into our home to live, to be loved and to love. We hosted 11 Master’s Commission student and one Transit intern, albeit their ages were 18 to 28, not 5 (though some were much younger emotionally – kidding – well, sort of). Sometimes they arrived in shock (and if not in shock on arrival, then, we worked them into shock after a few days.) From this there are benefits that show up now - it has given our family some built in flexibility, as well as an awareness of when we can take on something and when we can’t – but this event is a different in many ways. There is no turfing this kid to another host parent if it doesn't work out – no calling Brenda or Lloyd late in the evening and saying “here’s the issue.” Support is available – but not quite the same – we were not primarily responsible. That was a rent – this is a buy.

Even the terrorist quaker parrot seems to be here as a form of prep for the days ahead – talk about your exercise in patience with the needy and aggressive – not that we’ll end up there. (I’m kidding around again here folks - laugh with me)

But ultimately we don’t know what we are in for, do we? We can prepare; we can read blogs; we study Holt materials; we read books; we can talk to others – but the upcoming experience is going to be uniquely ours. There may be things about it we don’t anticipate – that we have severe difficulty with – that may take us to the end of ourselves.

Yet even the end of ourselves is familiar territory. After almost 30 years of marriage, you have to become OK with the thought that there are times when you are both going to run out of gas at the same time – that there are moments when neither of you has anything left to give – that ultimately there are moments that you cannot meet each other’s needs. We’re weak fallen human beings – this is inevitable. In our marriage, that is the moment that we both stop and wait in prayer on Jesus; we wait for the Giver of Life to give us life. (We pray other times too, and He never fails, but this is the time when He REALLY never has failed us.)

Our adoption may go really easy, well, joyfully – it could go really tough – we don’t know. I hope I’m not trusting in my strength – I know One who has the strength to see us through. Regardless, I also know there is no one that I would rather go though it with than Carolyn. My wife and our daughters – we have a history where we pull together when we need each other. I’m relying on what we’ve experienced and built – but I’m taking heed too – not thinking at all that I have this figured out. Grace to us all on this tour... your prayers are appreciated.

Doug